Posted by
Purple Reverie
at
8:23:00 PM
i believe all these happened for a reason. as i try so hard to move on from the past into this relationship, i been through a very long period of emotional roller coaster. This holidays is probably one of the worst i ever had. Treating me coldly was all he could offer me for a long period of time before leading up to a breakup. As much as i tried to tolerate and cried quietly, many times i quarreled with him because of his 'cannot be bothered' attitude. Although i agreed to the breakup 2 wks after he brought it up, i could not help blaming for him for refusing to try with me. When it came to that point, i thought everything has come to a full stop, i even congratulate myself for the courage to go through it.
Actually at this point in time, there are a lot of details which i hope i can forget. Cuz if i really intend to carry on this relationship i have to learn to let go of the past, be it his fault or mine at any one pt in time. It has been an energy draining months, if i keep on holding onto the past, it will probably not be happy days ahead.
However, a lot of vivid images still play in my mind. The pain i went through is still fresh, I was really angry that he has to make me go through all these. If he really still cared for me, why would he bare to let me go through all this pain? Why did he, after the breakup still claim to have feelings for me and has intention to pursue this relationship? When he, before the breakup, was so sure that he does not want to continue trying anymore? He say, he realizes what he lost only after the breakup and wishes to continue trying. Although it gave me no reason to trust him anymore, i could not resist because my heart was still very vulnerable.
Sometimes i really wonder after so many things, with so many issues to face, why do i still stay on this relationship? Perhaps true feelings would be a better excuse than refusing to move on. I'm really confused. Besides not able to trust him, maybe it is because im not sure anymore that's why i keep thinking about all the issues. I have been thinking about the possibilities of meeting someone more compatible and love me much more. Someone who likes sports and does not have issues about my running and do not have so many close girlfriends. Perhaps it's really time to move on...
Actually at this point in time, there are a lot of details which i hope i can forget. Cuz if i really intend to carry on this relationship i have to learn to let go of the past, be it his fault or mine at any one pt in time. It has been an energy draining months, if i keep on holding onto the past, it will probably not be happy days ahead.
However, a lot of vivid images still play in my mind. The pain i went through is still fresh, I was really angry that he has to make me go through all these. If he really still cared for me, why would he bare to let me go through all this pain? Why did he, after the breakup still claim to have feelings for me and has intention to pursue this relationship? When he, before the breakup, was so sure that he does not want to continue trying anymore? He say, he realizes what he lost only after the breakup and wishes to continue trying. Although it gave me no reason to trust him anymore, i could not resist because my heart was still very vulnerable.
Sometimes i really wonder after so many things, with so many issues to face, why do i still stay on this relationship? Perhaps true feelings would be a better excuse than refusing to move on. I'm really confused. Besides not able to trust him, maybe it is because im not sure anymore that's why i keep thinking about all the issues. I have been thinking about the possibilities of meeting someone more compatible and love me much more. Someone who likes sports and does not have issues about my running and do not have so many close girlfriends. Perhaps it's really time to move on...