After a few breakups and getting back, i ought to be able to see things in a clearer light. That's what a friend told me. However, I'm still unable to truly move on. I still wish to see him, I seem to be still waiting for a better answer. I cant even tell myself what is it about him that i really cant let go. I can be sure that we did not go through that much for him to be irreplaceable, i can be sure that he has a lot of issues about me that he does not agree with and that will not change. I'm very tired of this kind of 'relationship' we share as well. Close enough to be more than friends, but not a boyfriend, not a girlfriend and not a thing will change.
Recently, I realize what probably made me fall for him in the first place. His gentlemanly attitude, his caring ways which i thought is what makes him different from other people was something that soon disappeared when we got into a relationship. He had a lot of unhappiness about the things i do, even the ways i carry myself. He stopped caring for me and stopped communicating as soon as problems arose.
After all these months, I start to understand these are his reactions when he feels angry with me and feels unhappiness. However the understanding doesnt warrant me a reason to continue loving him.
He accused me of flirting and wanting to get into another relationship to get over with this one after we broke up. Asked me why is it i dont want to work with him anymore. He kept dragging things on till during the submission times, i pissed him off enough that he decided to move on. I kept wanting to know that he really cared, all he could do was to walk away. Perhaps i indeed gave him a lot pressure, it truly meant a lot to me that's why i couldnt walk away everytime we had an issue.
Later I found out that he went to meet up with his ex and even gave her a present to bid her farewell.