Meeting him puts my decision on the rocks again. I still feel for him..but perhaps not as much as i do last time. I still cant bear to see him so hurt, but im not that hurt anymore. 我应该是看开了，对于得不得到我已不再奢望。So much has happened and im letting go, i dont want to put my heart at risk again. I cant trust him anymore..
He says, he still has hopes of trying to start all over again, but because he's aint sure about what he wants and not confident about us, he had not mentioned anything. He has been pondering over his actions despite he has intentions. Can i trust his words?
Is there a way to measure if someone truly and sincerely cares for you or only time will tell?
I still enjoy the way he hugs me, still enjoy it when he smiles at me, still love it when we hug.
But my heart wants to move on. Deep down i am afraid of all the coldness that wearied me, the words that caused me so much pain and tears. I dont want to go through all of that again. I miss the carefree days, times when i can be myself and not living to please another person. It always felt like whatever i do isnt good enough, it was just not enough.
Although we were together for half a year, it's coming to a year since i knew him. Indeed there was some understanding between both of us, but does this warrants a reason to continue seeking for love and further understanding? Remember the times he walked away when you were hurt and crying? Remember how he said he doesnt love you anymore and all the intimacy was just to pacify me cuz that's what you think a r.s should be? Remember all the coldness he showered you when he just wasnt sure of the r.s and when he's just unhappy about things that happened? Remember the number of days he took to get over issues? Remember how harsh he was despite you were not feeling well? How he turned away when you almost fainted?
My gosh! How can i still like him...
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